shellfish, selfless, selfish, shitfist, fuck who cares.

at times i wonder. 
one word can make the difference to someone.
cool
uncool
neat
stupid
who cares

why do people give up?
why do people hurt each other?
how can people be so self centered?

i know that i am supposed to love, but sometimes i just want to hate.

blah blah blah

i have decided to start this again. no one reads this so no one cares but i am starting again. wish me luck

i never thought the day would come.

i am so glad that it is fall. with every season comes change. i got married. my brother moved to the queen city. the leaves are changing colors. thanksgiving is right around the corner and before you know it it will be christmas, and better yet my birthday. cant wait. 

:)

i miss you already!

its been a while since i was last posting on this. and a lot has happened since then. wedding plans are going good and i cant wait until i get married! seriously! work has started to pick back up and i am very grateful for the job that i have in a economic time like the one we are in. i was privileged enough to be asked to go to a church conference in greenville, sc the other day with the worship department at elevation church. it was actually a pretty cool experience. when i say that i mean that i have been to a lot of conferences that make you leave feeling all happy and giddy about saving the world. well after i left this one i felt more motivated to be a better person and to start really looking at my own life and find out how much i serve the people around me. i need work at that. it is easy to serve your loved ones but what about the people you will never meet or doing the things no one will ever see? yeah those things. 

what is real.

sometimes i lose track of the things i am doing or saying or thinking bc i find myself getting too caught up in what goes on in everyday life. (i just thought to my self that the sentence i just wrote was what some teachers call a "run-on") like today for example, my friend joel asked me for a pretzel stick i had. now the source of where i got the stick had like a million more but i was instantly too selfish to give him one. i immediately caught myself and thought a simple thought that made me feel like an idiot: " what if Jesus had asked me for a pretzel?" i gave joel a pretzel, and jeremy, and this other guy. haha anyway, today i had a brain fart and while listening to someone talk today i realized something.

i want to be more like Christ.

i really do! i play drums every sunday in front of thousands of people, and i never get mad for stupid reasons when i am on stage there. or yell at people i dont know because they cut me off in the foyer. to everyone there i am a pretty perfect guy who plays drums. 

but i know that throughout the week i mess up all the time. i guess what i am trying to say is that ever since i have been saved i have wanted to be more like Christ but today was kinda a day of remembering why i do what i do, to show the world Christ through me.  i am a new man today and although i know i am prob going to mess up tomorrow i am still going to stand.

twoday

Today i went to harris teeter to do the whole coin star thing for some cash. every time you do that you always (well at least i always do) feel like you should have received more money than you got. anyway after i got my pitiful 23 dollars, i proceeded to the checkout line where i had to wait on a colored lady have her card be declined like 10 times!!! after she finally gave up she left the store mad and upset but i think more embarrassed than anything. being my turn now i looked at what she was going to buy and it was two bottles of BBQ sauce and some strawberries. i suddenly thought i should buy those for her and be super nice guy. (seeing that i just got "free" money) i did. i ran out of the store and handed them to her, and she said thank you! i felt pretty cool she said i was a good role model! hahahahh i dont really feel like one, but try it sometime. buy someones small items in line and be a role model! :)